{"id":384,"date":"2026-09-28T20:03:47","date_gmt":"2026-09-28T20:03:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bugleblast.com\/?p=384"},"modified":"2026-09-28T20:03:47","modified_gmt":"2026-09-28T20:03:47","slug":"colorado-tortoise-lard-slowest-escape-jefferson-county","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bugleblast.com\/?p=384","title":{"rendered":"100-POUND TORTOISE TRIES THE WORLD&#8217;S SLOWEST ESCAPE! | Colorado&#8217;s Lard had travel plans \u2014 and zero urgency"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Forget the prison break. Colorado just got the world&#8217;s slowest getaway. Jefferson County Sheriff&#8217;s Office released video of the pursuit of a nearly <strong>100-pound tortoise<\/strong> named <strong>Lard<\/strong>, UPI reported.<\/p>\n<p>Animal control was dispatched <strong>Aug. 31<\/strong> after a report of a large tortoise loose in <strong>Littleton, Colorado<\/strong>. Lard had escaped a fenced yard <em>&#8220;with big travel plans and absolutely no sense of urgency.&#8221;<\/em><\/p>\n<p>The owner was on scene, but <em>&#8220;efforts to negotiate a voluntary return were unsuccessful.&#8221;<\/em> Deputies summed up the standoff: <em>&#8220;Home was in one direction. Lard preferred the other.&#8221;<\/em><\/p>\n<p>An animal control officer and a bystander finally lifted and carried Lard home. The sheriff&#8217;s office joked that Lard had become a local <em>&#8220;shellebrity.&#8221;<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>Sources:<\/strong> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.upi.com\/Odd_News\/2026\/09\/28\/tortoise-Jefferson-County-Colorado\/9431790610409\/\">UPI (Ben Hooper)<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Colorado&#8217;s Lard had travel plans \u2014 and zero urgency<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":383,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-384","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/bugleblast.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/09\/bb-tortoise-lard-escape-0928.jpg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bugleblast.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/384","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bugleblast.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bugleblast.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bugleblast.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bugleblast.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=384"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bugleblast.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/384\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bugleblast.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/383"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bugleblast.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=384"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bugleblast.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=384"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bugleblast.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=384"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}